6 months ago, my dad was playing tennis 5 days a week, so I’m now finding myself more worried about him.
My dad is one of those people who is always ahead of the pack. Back in the 70’s he was one of the first to get on the bandwagon of eating healthy. When 100% whole wheat flour became widely available, he happily substituted it for white flour in everything he cooked.
I remember one particular memorable Sunday breakfast. He was making his usual creamed chip beef on toast recipe for us for breakfast. It was our favorite. But now, with his newfound desire for total health, he made it with whole wheat flour and fat free milk. No cream, no butter, no white flour. He served it on 100% whole wheat bread. We thought it was disgusting. He loved it.
So now he’s going for a procedure at the hospital next week. He has congestive heart failure. The fluid in the back of his heart needs to be released so his heart will work normally again.
In the past few weeks I’ve been keenly aware of my thoughts. When I first brought him to the hospital I made myself stay calm and relaxed throughout the process. Not easy in a big city hospital. Every time I noticed a negative thought in my mind I “released it into the atmosphere” till it disappeared. Then I consciously replaced it with “I am calm and relaxed”.
I knew my dad was frightened at a very deep level and his way to deal with life is to take control. When someone is in control (or thinks he is) fears that he is not in control, he tends to do what he knows best. Try to control what he can. I was right in his line of target; the perfect person to bark at. Um..I mean try to control.
So every time my dad directed me to do something (he can be a challenging person to be with), I took a deep breath and reminded myself to respond calmly. Rather than be angry or upset at his orders, I found myself thinking “Thank goodness for Louisa (his wife). It’s wonderful that she loves and takes such good care of him.” (Translated: I now know how hard it is to take care of him when he needs it lol!)
I spent the better part of that day helping him while being acutely aware of my thoughts and how they affected my feelings. I took every opportunity I noticed to change those thoughts that were causing me to feel bad.
Positive thinking kept me in that space so that I could be with him 100% that day.
Now that he will be going back to HUP for his procedure on Tuesday, I’m finding that I have to be aware of my thoughts even more.
Now, when I feel worried, I imagine sending him love and healing.
Now, when I think of all the statistics about death and infections in hospitals, I choose to remember that these are just numbers.
Now, when I think of how weak my dad is, I focus on the fact that he is extremely proactive and wants to improve.
And of course, I’m now imagining him coming home quickly and getting back to his normal self in a few weeks.
Creating positive thoughts on purpose helps me to get through the day noticing the possibilities, rather than thinking about the worse that will happen.
While my thoughts may or may not make a difference in his life, I like the idea that perhaps our thoughts have energy and I’m sending him healing loving energy every day.
Do you think that our thoughts have energy?
What have you done in situations like this? How did your thoughts make a difference?
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